Before I even took my first breath, I was already showing signs of stubborn persistence and a fiery will to live. Yes, I know it sounds wild, but I actually remember being in the womb—where I experienced a lack of oxygen due to my mother’s emotional distress. And yet, even then, I made a choice: I would lend her my oxygen if that’s what it took for us both to survive. That’s how determined I was to come into this world and be part of its divine co-creation. This choice was the beginning of my lifelong mission to be here, fully and fiercely alive.
A Rare Condition and a Fight to Breathe
I was born in Lithuania with a very rare health condition—my lower jaw didn’t develop while the rest of my body grew. This meant my early years were filled with constant physical struggle, breathlessness, and life-threatening situations. At one point, I had only 30% oxygen in my blood. I danced on the edge between life and death many times before I even started school.
Thanks to the generosity of legendary Lithuanian basketball player Šarūnas Marčiulionis, I was flown to the USA, where a team of brilliant doctors performed my first life-saving surgeries. After that, more wonderful doctors in Lithuania continued to support my healing. I lost count after my tenth surgery, but each one was part of the path that kept me here.
Much of my childhood unfolded within hospital walls, surrounded by beeping machines and sterile lights instead of playgrounds and parties. I often felt different, out of place, disconnected from children my age.
But I wasn’t just surviving—I was awakening.
Feeling Different and Wise Beyond My Years
While my peers were diving into typical teenage adventures, I was tucked away in bookshops, devouring books on mysticism, hidden civilizations, religions, and design. I was introverted and shy but deeply curious. I didn’t relate much to children my age, but felt strangely at ease with adults. I was often told I had the soul of an elder in a child’s body. And maybe I was.
People—friends, adults, strangers—would come to me and open up their hearts, often telling me things they’d never shared with anyone. I became a confidante, a healer in disguise. But no one had taught me about boundaries. My father was absent, and my mother—though loving—was in deep depression. I became her psychologist, too. This dynamic followed me into adulthood until, in my 30s, I began to awaken and finally choose myself. I learned how to say “no.” I learned to protect my energy.
The Stage, the Arts, and a Soul on Fire
Despite being introverted, I had an uncontainable inner fire. The stage called to me like a magnetic force. I performed in school plays, dance competitions, poetry readings, and I was even a part of a Spice Girls group that we really took seriously… 🙂 Guess which one of those I was 😉
Also, my mother enrolled me in ballet school, which is still helping me so much in my present dancing experience. I also explored drawing, painting, cinematography, and interior design. My childhood, although marked by pain, was also deeply infused with the arts—and most of that happened on stage.
Looking back, deep down, I had a natural spark of leadership, although insecurity sometimes kept it hidden.
A Wound That Took Years to Heal
One day, as a teen, I volunteered at a major international basketball event. The organizer—a well-known public figure—asked who would like to be the assistant of the event’s mascot. The role involved being on stage, in the presence of thousands of eyes looking in my direction. My heart raced, and yet, I raised my hand because I really wanted to have that experience, and I believed in myself enough to know that I could handle it.
She chose someone else. Fair enough. But what followed next stayed with me for years.
After the meeting, she pulled me aside and whispered:
“Lilly, the stage is not the place for you to be on.”
It crushed me. Without even realizing it, I carried that wound silently for decades. It wasn’t until my second dark night of the soul that I truly understood how deeply those words cut into my confidence and creative self-expression.
Breaking Free from Family Patterns
I also grew up in a very strictly religious and authoritative (patriarchal) family dynamic, where having one’s own opinion was not welcomed. We were expected to follow the beliefs and dogmas laid down by the leader of the pack—my father.
But the spirit of leadership I was born with simply couldn’t coexist with that kind of oppressive rule. So, starting from my teenage years, I rebelled. I chose to walk my own path—one that led me far from the roots I was raised in. That decision wasn’t easy; in fact, it was deeply painful. But that’s the journey of individuation. It requires letting go of inherited loyalties so I could live as my most authentic self.
Yet that very rebellion became a vital part of my healing. I learned to stand in my truth, to trust my inner voice, and to live freely, creatively, and unapologetically. Claiming my own beliefs, my own direction, and my own sense of self was one of the most courageous things I’ve ever done.
Reclaiming My Sacred Fire
Each of our lives is like a sacred Hero’s journey – we experience in childhood something very traumatic that disconnects us from our true, authentic nature. Whether it’s somebody’s wounding words, health condition, or/and societal/familiar programming that doesn’t support our nature (nurture VS nature).
But later we have to overcome all the blockages, peel those layers of a false identity and return back to who we truly are – to our purest joy.
Today, I stand in the fullness of who I am. I reclaim the fire that was always mine. The child who burned with creative passion, the girl who kept dancing, writing, painting, performing—even when she felt she didn’t belong—is now the woman who leads, creates, heals, and inspires.
My childhood wasn’t easy. But it was sacred. And it forged the sensitive, powerful, unstoppable woman I am today.
P.S. I love creating content! I love expressing my inner world through writing. And I will keep doing it because it brings me joy 🙂 What else brings me joy, is your feedback 🙂 It is always a pleasure to receive your reflections on the same topic, or how my expression impacted you, what shifted within you, maybe? 🙂 Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message directly 🙂 Alternatively, you can also support my work by making a financial contribution of your choice.
Memories from USA media
